The psychology of relations between a man and a woman is an immense topic that you can talk about endlessly, and never come to a common denominator. As a psychologist, I studied relationship theory for several years, and then in practice, working with clients who are in troubled relationships or on the verge of breaking up, I identified some of the most important rules of relationships that can be easily applied in practice in order to achieve mutual understanding and long happy years of marriage.
In this article, I will tell you what you should never do in a relationship. You will learn three forbidden tricks, as well as six rules of what you need to do if you want to build a healthy harmonious relationship. What do they want, what are they afraid of and what do men and women dream about in a relationship - you will find out in this article.
So, the psychology of relations between a man and a woman.
How to never do - 3 forbidden tricks in a relationship
Most of us grew up in the Soviet era, and our parents and grandparents, who grew up in the Soviet era, passed on their way of thinking and beliefs to us. In the post-war period, people got married because it was impossible to survive alone, and many families were created on the basis of the proverb “be patient, fall in love”. There was no psychology of relationships at that time, and therefore their relationship is for us rather an indicator of how not to do it, how not to communicate and how not to live. But unconsciously, we nevertheless adopted their behavior model, which successfully earned ≈80% of divorces. So, what did they do that we should never repeat?
Technique #1: "Losers"
The first thing that was almost accepted was to insult each other and inadvertently say that “you are a simpleton and a fool, and nothing will work out for you”, “no one needs you except me”, “you have always been a loser” and everything like that. In other words, there was no support and protection in the relationship, and mutual jokes that degraded dignity and lowered self-esteem became rougher and more painful every year.
You must understand that popular psychology did not exist then, and the foundation of relationships was in most cases forced or forced. Many people did not know what a resourceful and healthy relationship is. But now you are reading this article, and it is your duty to pass on to your children and grandchildren a new, psychologically healthy model of relationships. After all, no matter how many smart books your children read about this, unconsciously they will still assimilate the model of their parents' relationships, that is, yours.
Mutual reproaches and insults, disbelief in your partner is a great power. A woman who does not believe in the success of her man, does not respect him and allows herself insulting words addressed to him, is able to turn a charismatic and successful man into a typical "sofa character" with a low standard of living and a complete lack of self-confidence. A man who does not put his woman in anything can also easily turn a beautiful blooming woman into a worthless hunched-up little woman in a few years or even months, which really becomes "no one else needs except him."
Why is this happening? Because any, even the most self-confident person with a steel rod, hearing the same words addressed to him, sooner or later begins to believe in them. Call your partner a loser every day, and after a while he will also begin to think of himself, and the hour is not far off when he actually turns into a complete loser. As they say, whatever you call a ship, that's how it will sail. 
Sometimes it seems that many people take pleasure in showing their partner that he did everything wrong, he did not succeed, and he is nothing of himself. This is perhaps the biggest mistake in a relationship, and also the most traumatic thing for a person, to immerse him in a sense of failure and unfulfilled expectations. If you act in this way, you will never see a successful partner next to you. In this unhealthy atmosphere, your partner will fade away day by day, and will cease to be desirable and loved for you and for himself.
Technique #2: "We ourselves"
Another big mistake of that time, which we successfully adopted from our grandparents, is that you don’t have to rely on anyone, you don’t need to ask anyone for help, and you have to solve all your problems yourself.
The psychology of a person is such that he can and sometimes wants to solve the problems of his partner, in the depths of his soul it is pleasant for every person to help. But only in those cases when they ask him for help and easily accept it from him. If, for example, a woman makes a man understand that she refuses his help, he will most likely stop offering it over time. Because the refusal of help is perceived by a person as his uselessness, lack of demand.
What do we end up with? Infidelity, separation, divorce. And all due to the fact that the spouses, proudly declaring to each other that they do not need anyone's help, eventually begin to feel their lack of demand, the lack of need for each other. Women came to me for consultations who never asked their husband for anything, did everything themselves and believed that he should be grateful to them for this. And then, one fine day, the husband left for another. Because he did not feel his strength and indispensability, being next to a woman who did not need anything from him. And that other one probably needed his help, which means, in his opinion, he himself was needed. Any person is happy when he is asked to help, because this means that he is appreciated and cherished.
In the modern world, both a man and a woman can exist without a relationship, both can support themselves and, in which case, call a "husband for an hour." And, doing everything on their own and not feeling their own relevance in relationships, people cease to understand why they need relationships at all.
In the case when a man does not ask for help and believes that he must do everything himself, the situation is also deplorable. When such a man is in the office, it turns out that he shares practically nothing with either his friends or his wife. Among friends, it is somehow “not accepted”, “I will look like a weakling”, “they will ridicule”. And the wife - “on whom will she rely, who will be her support and protection, if I myself need her help? She will stop perceiving me as a protector, stop respecting me.”
As a rule, after a few we find out that all these thoughts are delusions generated by the ancient negative attitudes of the father or grandmother. With these misconceptions dispelled, we come to the conclusion that sharing problems and asking for help is one of the things that keeps and fills relationships with pleasant joy, connects people to each other even closer, and gives both partners an important reason to love each other.
Tactic #3: "Strong and Independent"
This mistake is similar to the previous one, but differs in that a person not only does not accept help from his partner, but also tries to compete with him.
We live in a world where long-term relationships are possible only in two opposite roles. Even for same-sex couples, roles are often distributed in two different directions, and both partners complement each other in everything. If one is better at cooking, then let the other fix the plumbing. And if two people in a couple try to be equally strong and perform the same roles, such relationships are usually doomed to failure.
Nature will strive to make opposites out of them. So, if a woman takes on male roles, her level of the male hormone testosterone may well increase. Such a pair of testosterones will have great rough sex for the first time. Then the level of testosterone in the man will start to fall, he will become weaker, he will begin to have problems with erection. Over time, he will lose interest in his strong woman. And it would be better for him if it happened as soon as possible. Otherwise, he may lose his job, self-confidence, besides, his body will weaken, he will become more fragile and feminine. So, it is completely unprofitable for a man to be in a relationship with a strong woman, otherwise nature, striving for eternal balance, will make a weak man out of him.
And this is not about the fact that a woman should be weak, and a man should be strong. This means that in a pair no one should compete with each other. If you caught yourself wanting to earn not just a lot, but more than your partner; on the desire to be brighter, better, more beautiful, more interesting than he is. The desire to stand out against its background. Or the fact that you are insulted and humiliated by his successes, while you are not succeeding. All this may mean that you unconsciously burn with a desire to be better than him, to defeat him.
So those were the three most common relationship mistakes. Of course, there are many more such mistakes in life. You can deal with them and understand how to build relationships with me at. You can sign up for it and see the cost. And in those couples where partners make these mistakes, discord in the relationship quickly sets in. Avoid them if you want to create harmony and comfort in your family.
Psychology of relations between a man and a woman - 6 simple rules
How to build harmonious, mature, respectful and, most importantly, long-term relationships? Now you will read about six rules, six pillars that support psychologically healthy, resourceful relationships, and if you can build these rules into your family relationships, your fairy tale will have a happy ending!
Rule #1: Mindfulness
Due to the fact that people tend to unconsciously adopt the family model from their parents, partners often find themselves in co-dependent roles: victim, persecutor (aggressor) and rescuer. The victim is under pressure and coercion of the aggressor, and the rescuer wants to help the victim.
Everyone usually has their favorite role, but this triangle is dynamic, for example: the husband is dominant and aggressive towards the wife (husband is the persecutor, wife is the victim). The wife cries and complains to her mother, and the mother gives advice and tries to help (the wife is the victim, the mother is the rescuer).
Or like this: the husband drinks and comes home feeling guilty. The wife yells at him, swears and shows aggression. Because of the negativity dumped on him, the husband goes to drink. And at home he is again waiting for this punishment. The wife blames her husband for everything, and the husband, in turn, considers his wife to be the culprit of his alcoholism. And both are constantly changing roles in the triangle (victim-tyrant-rescuer). Such a phenomenon in psychology is called an endless conflict. This is the magnet that keeps husband and wife close to each other. As a rule, it is based on an unresolved and unconscious intrapersonal conflict and a neurotic relationship with a parent.
One of the options for endless conflict. What is the conflict in your couple? Share in the comments If you understand that you are also a member of the codependent triangle, then in order for the relationship with your partner to become conscious, psychologically healthy and happy, you need to fully realize this and get out of the triangle. Especially to help you with this, I wrote a book. It consists of tasks, completing which, you will become a conscious person, learn to defend your boundaries and gain the determination to change everything that does not suit you in life and in relationships. You will stop holding and enduring, understand your true desires and begin to fulfill them. You will change your relationship with others: you will easily talk about what does not suit you and change it.
Rule #2: "Winners"
What is required for this? Sincere, genuine faith in a partner. Words that enhance his self-esteem and his faith in himself. Actions to improve it. Thoughts on his success, growth and development, sincere wishes for all the best for him.
All this will give your partner energy and inspiration, thanks to which he will believe in himself, will achieve his goals and, most importantly, will love you more and more every day.
It is important for everyone to hear words of support from the closest person, to know that he has something to rely on and there is someone who believes in him. After all, if a loved one believes in you, do you really have chances not to believe in yourself?
A woman who gives a man energy and inspiration, believes in him and speaks openly about it every day, a man will never leave. He will appreciate her and will do anything for her, just to feel that she believes and know that she considers him a winner.
The psychology of relations between a man and a woman is as follows: a sincere interest in the happiness of another gives rise to an energy exchange aimed at developing the abilities, talents, achievements of a partner, as well as increasing his emotional level and quality of life.
“You are talented, smart, efficient, skillful”, “you are strong, you know how to bring things to the end, capable, worthy of the best.” "You'll be fine."
It would seem that such simple words. Why don't most couples say them to each other every day, and persist in divorcing? It's good that you are no longer one of them, and soon your relationship will turn 180 degrees towards happiness.
Rule #3: Helpers
Recall the second mistake in relationships - do not do everything yourself. Learn to ask for help and then give thanks for the help. Any person wants to feel needed and in demand, and, as you remember, it is requests for help that make a person understand that his partner needs him, is in demand and irreplaceable. Ask your partner to help you and accept this help with joy and gratitude.
I also made a video for you about the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman:
Ask for help sincerely, and then your partner will know that you need him. It is so important for him to feel important. And sometimes it is so important for you to unload, relax and get help from a loved one. As a result of such an exchange, both partners win, and the relationship wins: one receives help, and the other is convinced of his importance and hears words of gratitude that inspire him to do even more and better for his partner.
Rule #4: "Fight the Right Way"
It is generally accepted that a quarrel or conflict is something negative, leading to not the most favorable consequences for relationships. But after all, a conflict is a clash of interests, which means a great opportunity to get to know each other better and take relationships to a new level. Now I will tell you how not only not to quarrel, but also to make a quarrel a turning point towards rapprochement.
Communicate politely but firmly. Never raise your voice to your partner. There is an opinion that a person screams when he wants to be heard. But it has long been proven that the human psyche reacts in exactly the opposite way: a person stops hearing you just at the moment when you raise your voice to him. Thus, yelling at your partner is only worth it if you want your conversation to lose all meaning.
Start any fight on a positive note: talk about what is positive about your partner and what he does for you and for the relationship. It is important that your words are sincere, and that you really thought so.
Talk about the feelings and emotions you are experiencing. “I feel bad because we don’t have this” ... “I’m offended that” ...
When you are sure that you have been heard, express your wishes. What do you want? "I would be extremely pleased if next time we" ...
The basic rule is that you communicate sincerely and frankly. They didn’t play around and didn’t look for workarounds, but they said what they think. But in a new constructive form. Do not pronounce the pronoun "you", because after it, just like from a raised voice, the person stops hearing you. “You couldn’t”, “you forgot” - is perceived as a claim, and the first reaction of the human psyche to such words is to defend itself, and not to listen.
Your task is to make the person hear and listen to you. Therefore, replace “you’re bad” with “it’s unpleasant for me,” and “how could you” with “it’s hard for me, I’m offended.”
Rule #5: "Love"
Myself. Only those relationships where everyone loves himself can be harmonious. Where everyone has their own territory, which does not depend on a loved one.
What does the absence of your territory and self-love look like in a relationship? The absence of one's own territory stimulates the desire to occupy the territory of another. Control, check, doubt, suffer in his absence, wait, worry, get angry that he came later or did not call back right away. Such a person does not love himself. He encroaches on the territory of another and, like a bath leaf, clings to his partner and begins to choke him with his “love”. He does not have his own territory, he does not have an interesting exciting job, his close friends, personal hobbies and hobbies, and he smears relationships into all the voids of other areas of life. If the other at the same time has his own territory and he loves himself, then such a relationship is doomed to failure. After all, it is impossible to force love. You can only inspire love. And the one who stands with a rolling pin at the entrance when you are three minutes late home does not inspire love at all.
A harmonious relationship is where everyone loves himself, has his own life, is himself a separate person, does not try to merge with a partner and control him, simply because he has his own life, which is of the greatest interest to him. Harmonious relationships are when you feel good together, and you give each other joy and pleasure. But you are wonderful without each other. You can read more about what self-love is.
Thus, the basis of any happy relationship is, first of all, a happy relationship with yourself. And in order for you to build relationships filled with love and respect, you first need to learn to love and respect yourself, to become a separate person with your own separate territory.
I have a practice book. I have included the most effective self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love techniques that have helped many of my clients build happy and healthy relationships by changing their attitude towards themselves. If you have problems with this, you can read the full description and purchase the book.
Rule #6: "Speak"
Talk to each other. Never think, do not build illusions from fragments of phrases and allusions. Leave no ambiguity between you. And stop thinking that your partner will figure it out. Men, for example, do not build canvases from illusions and conjectures, as women sometimes do. They are much easier to perceive direct conversations and practically do not recognize signs and omissions. And women who tend to think and guess are perhaps an even greater threat to relationships. After all, a man will ask, ask again, try. And the woman herself will come up with, she will be offended, and who knows what consequences this may have!
So speak, speak! Do it calmly, politely but firmly. Express your thoughts. Let your partner know what you really want. Talk about how you feel (even if mom said that you have to endure. Remember the beginning of the article - mom did not know psychology).
Nowadays, relationships are created in order to be happy. Do everything that is described in this article, and over time you will succeed.
Love is…
In this article, I presented a variant of what a healthy harmonious relationship should look like. But I didn’t talk about what most relationships really are, and how to move from them to “healthy”. Relationships happen, scandals can happen in them. Some have to live with their parents, and it also happens that as many as three generations live in the same apartment. Many unconsciously copy the behavior of mom or dad, thereby destroying their family. Problems can be completely different, and each of them requires a separate article. And even better - a separate conversation with a psychologist. Because your problem is not like anyone else's, and I can't cover and break it down for everyone in an article or video.
My name is Lara Litvinova, I am a psychologist, and I conduct consultations via Skype. Together with you in a consultation, we can understand your situation and decide how it can be changed. You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work. Reviews about me and my work you can read or leave.
I work with relationship problems as well as the personal problems that cause them. I will help you deal with yourself and with your partner, build a mature, warm and happy relationship that will last for many years.
Conclusion
If you follow the rules I have proposed for the psychology of relations between a man and a woman, you will be able to build harmonious and healthy relationships and extend them until old age.
And do not forget to buy my book "" on how to build conscious relationships, stop adjusting and enduring, and gain the determination to immediately change everything that does not suit you in life and in relationships. You can buy and read the full description
According to Tantric teachings, when a man meets a woman, an exchange of energy begins between them.
It is natural for a man to be charged with energy from above (ideological), and for a woman - from below (power energy). To bring the idea to life, a man needs to be "charged" with female power. And a woman, since she is a “bank” of energy, is not able to spend it for action, but only gives it away, because she receives the kind of energy she needs only in the process of interacting with a man.
There is always an exchange of energy between the stronger and the weaker sex. As soon as a boy is born, he already has a mother who inspires him, gives him her maternal love. Then he meets his first, second love, a pretty employee at work - in all the fair sex, a man seeks to find the very source of energy, filled with strength from which he can successfully realize himself in life.
Then, when a love relationship is established between a man and a woman, the woman gives herself (not only physically, but also taking care of her beloved, morally and intellectually), and the man, receiving female power, is able to create and perform active actions in life.
Everything is clear with this, but this is only the initial stage, during which the energy does not yet flow, because the exchange itself does not occur. Filled with the necessary feminine strength, allowing him to embody his ideas, a man should return energy to a woman (in the form of gifts, financial care, physical assistance), in such an amount as to inspire his lady for a subsequent return.
And this interaction is constant.
Energy connection between a man and a woman
In the case when people feel sympathy for each other, they actively exchange their energies and this process gives them mutual pleasure. Upon contact between the biofields of two individuals, channels are formed through which energy circulates from one side to the other.
These streams can differ in their colors and shapes (people with psychic abilities can see them).
Partners are connected through these energy channels through one or another, based on the type of their communication:
- by - family relations;
- according to - relationships like lovers, married couples or friends for easy pastime;
- by - family ties, relationships between colleagues at work, bosses, friends in sports hobbies - those people with whom you are forced to compete;
- by - this type of connection will tell about the relationship in which objects interact with each other emotionally - these are the people for whom we feel love. But in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be harmonious, it is important that they have a well-developed channel of sexual energy;
- by - relationships between like-minded people, work colleagues;
- by - often communication through this channel speaks of copying their idols, leaders of sects and various organizations. The hypnotic channel is well developed, other people's thoughts and ideas are suggested. People are connected to each other by telepathic communication.
- according to - the connection is present only at the level of egregors (collective, family, religious, and others).
And the more both partners show their interest in each other, the more extensive the energy channel is formed between them. And with the establishment of strong relationships, it is observed.
This is how love relationships are formed, over which neither time nor distance will have power. For example, a mother always feels her child, no matter where he is, even if a lot of time has passed since their last meeting.
With a healthy relationship between a man and a woman, clear, bright, pulsating channels are formed. Then the partners trust each other, they are sincere, but at the same time they retain their personal living space. In this case, we can talk about an equivalent energy exchange, without violations.
And if the relationship is unhealthy, for example, one of the partners becomes dependent on the other, then the channels become dull, heavy. In such a connection, there is no freedom, often lovers over time show irritation, aggression and anger towards each other.
When one of the partners wants to take complete control of the other, the aura wraps around from all sides.
With the death of a relationship, the same thing happens with the channels - they become thinner, weaker. After a long period of time, the movement of energy through the channels stops and people become as if they were strangers, as if nothing had connected them before.
And if there was a separation, but the energy channels were preserved, then people continue to be drawn to each other. There may also be such a scenario when one of the former lovers broke off the energy connection and closed from subsequent influences, and the second continues to restore relations, breaking through his layer of energy protection.
Energy connection between people during sexual contact
If there were close relationships between people, the channels do not collapse for a long time after parting. This is especially pronounced during sexual contact.
When we have sexual relations with a new partner, a new channel is formed through the sexual chakra. Such channels remain active for a very long time (for years, and sometimes they remain active even throughout life).
At the same time, it does not play a significant role whether the sexual partners managed to get to know each other sufficiently or whether their connection was fleeting (at a party, at a graduation, etc.), the energy channel through the sexual chakra will still be formed and will be active for a very long time.
And if there is a channel, energy continues to circulate through it. And what plan it will be - positive or negative, you can find out about this only knowing both partners well.
An interesting feature is that people living together are characterized by the adjustment of their energy shells relative to each other. For harmonious intimate relationships, synchronization of biofields is necessary. That is why, often in love, when they live together, over time they become similar to each other (often even physical).
When a person does not want to contact anyone, he closes the circuit of his own, as a result of which all energy flows emanating from others are reflected. Then it seems to other people that they are not heard.
Features of male and female energy in a pair
As mentioned above, in the case of mutual feelings between lovers, a single energy field arises, which will be maintained in the future if the conditions of partnership are met. The couple will become stronger if both of the partners fill their union with their energy, supporting both themselves and their beloved (beloved).
A very important point - each of the partners must act on the basis of their nature: a man - like a man, and a woman - like a woman.
For example, when a woman develops masculine energy in herself, manifesting in the physical world like a man, then if she lives alone, this may not affect her well-being in any way. But, being in the conditions of a couple, her man will be forced to develop a feminine demeanor in himself (the same rule applies to men).
In general, in a couple, a man is responsible for the world of material wealth, and a woman is responsible for sensual manifestations and the atmosphere of relationships in general. Therefore, a man gives energy through the material chakra, and a woman receives, and she, in turn, gives energy through the heart chakra.
This was laid down by nature and actions against it will negatively affect the condition of the partners individually and the couple as a whole.
To begin with, I'll ask a question: do you have a relationship with a man now? Are they to your satisfaction? Or do you still want to make some adjustments?
Today, humanity is approaching the moment when the psychology of relations between a man and a woman is ready to move on to a new stage. After all, established views on what relationships should be in a couple are no longer acceptable.
People are increasingly dissatisfied with love, they do not know how to make their relationship with the opposite sex “work right”. And believe it or not, it's not that bad. When something breaks in any mechanism, this causes changes (improvements) to be made to it during repair.
I believe that such an approach can be successfully used by modern relationship psychology. If something goes wrong in the relationship between a man and a woman, this can lead either to their break, or vice versa - to taking measures to “repair”, make changes and save.
Many in these situations use the advice of a psychologist or relationship coach (which I am). So here's my advice: "repair" your relationship, make it new, take it to a whole new level! Make relationships meaningful!
How to implement this advice in real life? Read this article to the end and you will understand everything.
The psychology of conscious relationships
So what is a conscious relationship?
I emphasize that I am talking about the growth of the personality of a woman as a woman, and the personality of a man as a man.
This goal is shared and at the same time personal. It unites loving people into a couple.
Nowadays, most people enter into relationships only to satisfy their needs (material, sexual, and very rarely spiritual).
You may not like what you hear from him. He may also be uncomfortable with some of the things that you will tell. But in the end, you will know that each of you is REAL.
I repeat a little: we are used to adjusting, catering to our soulmate, as we are afraid of losing her. But it destroys relationships.
The only way to save true love is to be honest. Reveal all the most unpleasant in yourself, expose it to reasoning with your partner and allow him to do the same.
This leads to a sense of insight and understanding, a combination that automatically enhances love.
4. Relationships as a place for true love
Love is ultimately an experience. Experiences of acceptance, presence, forgiveness, heart wounds.
Sometimes we treat love as the ultimate goal. We want to always feel it to the maximum. And when this feeling weakens or disappears altogether, we stop liking what our relationship is turning into.
Love is a journey and exploration, during which you come across.
Also, the question will periodically arise: “What do I want at the moment?”. So, the answer in each moment of this path will be different. The reason is your development, your personal growth, which should never stop.
The psychology of the relationship of conscious couples is arranged in such a way that, based on devotion and experience, love appears and strengthens, and relationships become such that no one even dreamed of. 
Instead of summing up, I would like to ask ...
Are you ready for such actions and changes?
After making at least one of the above proposals, your man may fence himself off, close in "his shell" or "flare up and start tearing and throwing." And that could be the beginning of the end of the relationship. But you will understand whether he is really the one you need.
This is how the relationship between a man and a woman works - when there are real feelings, then making changes in the relationship is not so difficult.
Thank you for your patience in exploring my reflections on the psychology of relationships. I will try to continue to please you with advice on such burning topics.
Do you have any questions? Let's start the conversation in the comments!
The most interesting articles by Yaroslav Samoilov:
Everyone will certainly have acquaintances, communication with which inspires, literally inhaling strength, the opposite is also familiar: there is a kind of relationship that weakens, internally devastates us. At the same time, any person, depending on the situation, is able to alternately both give energy to others and absorb it, in need of spiritual nourishment.
“Each of us is a potential vampire,” warns psychotherapist Christophe André. - It's in our nature - to expect a lot from another, to desire it all, entirely. However, with the experience of real relationships, we understand: with such a strategy, we are unlikely to keep another person next to us, because he suffers and therefore will avoid us.
It is useful to understand more clearly where energy comes from and what takes it away, how we support and infringe on loved ones, then it will become much easier to build harmonious relationships with them. Christophe Andre analyzes in detail the mechanisms of communication, vampiric properties and those that give us strength, feeding us with their living energy.
Who should you limit your contact with?
Vampiric relationships are easy to recognize by the breakdown that overtakes in communication with a person. They give nothing, emotionally unsettle us. It is easy to outline several portraits of such people, with whom it is worth communicating less often.
- Forever mourning. They are debilitating because their need for sympathy is immeasurable and we can neither fill it, nor even reduce its depth. They entrust us with the mission of saviors, even if we have neither the desire nor the ability to do so. At the same time, they deliberately doom her to failure, since in their hearts they are not at all inclined to accept our advice.
- Dependents. They constantly want confirmation of love and a good attitude towards them, they ask for advice in making the simplest decisions. Childishly clinging, they put us in the position of parents, putting a disproportionate burden of responsibility on our shoulders. And when we try to move away from this imposed role, we are overcome by a sense of guilt.
- Hypersensitive. Their excessive vulnerability forces them to be constantly on the alert. Since everything that happens in a relationship, they are ready to perceive in an unexpected way and interpret in their own way, sometimes writing the plot of a real drama. In response, we are forced to be in constant tension, controlling ourselves in everything.
- Conflicting. They are used to solving any problems through aggression, which, however, does not cost them the slightest effort, because conflict is the element of their existence. On the contrary, those to whom this aggression is directed are devastated by this type of relationship.
- Border trespassers. Their own role in relationships and the boundaries of personal space are always uncertain, and this forces other participants in communication to constantly “tune in”. Since the rules in such relationships are not clearly established, each involved in them involuntarily encroaches on the territory of the other.
Set boundaries
In a vampiric relationship, it is important to keep the right distance so as not to let yourself be pulled into an energy hole. We run the risk of falling under the influence of the pathology of another person, bitterly feeling that we have become its victim, and responding with a stream of our own aggression. We often want to become a savior, and this desire is worth fearing.
Yes, we can often help another, but it is extremely rare to save him. When the irritation in us rises, it is worth asking ourselves two questions: “Am I the one who should play this role?” and “Should I do it alone?” In any case, the alarm signal is our emotions: if we are uncomfortable, then it's time to say “stop”.
What attracts us to such relationships
It is not known why such relationships nourish with bright feelings and encourage, sometimes even filling with a sense of bliss. Let's try to take a closer look at them.
- Pleasant trifles. A compliment from a stranger, a friendly question from a neighbor about how things are at work, a simple friendly gesture serve as confirmation that we and our life are interesting to others. We tend to underestimate such signs of attention, automatically responding politely to them. In the meantime, they reinforce their sense of self-worth. We need relationships of different levels, and such “superficial” connections are no less important to us than strong love or strong friendship. So, a lonely elderly person who has the opportunity to exchange greetings with a familiar saleswoman or a pharmacist of a neighboring pharmacy will find in these simple relationships the share of spiritual warmth he needs so much.
- Equitable exchange. Relationships that are built on open emotional exchange enrich us because in them we continuously build each other. By opening ourselves to others, we discover something new in ourselves. In such relationships, no one presses and no one obeys - they have only equality and reciprocity. If someone shares his secrets with us, is ready to accept our advice and follow it, then he trusts us, making us the chosen ones. Dialogue on an equal footing energizes both its participants.
- Gift as acquisition. Giving someone our time, help and love, we radiate positive energy. The reciprocal feelings of those who have accepted our gift always increase our self-esteem. And we get no less than the person to whom we give.
- Feeling of agreement with yourself. In what we do, we feel the meaning and benefit for others - having received confirmation of this, we are full of strength. The teacher, who by his labors turned a hopeless loser into a good student, is literally inspired by his success. Such efforts are rewarded in full: when we act in harmony with ourselves and in accordance with our own values, we feel that other people are needed, and we feel almost invincible.
strike a balance
To feel good, we need to emotionally “fill” ourselves from various sources. We get our daily “diet” by communicating with loved ones. But we also need other relationships - those that sometimes knock us out of the usual rut and force us to change.
It is they who awaken dormant desires and hidden possibilities. Aggressive, provocative people, of course, we do not like, but, annoying us, they encourage us to change, develop and grow. Sometimes such “uncomfortable” relationships are the most effective means to renew our strength.
This topic is relevant for all times and peoples, this is how life works.
However, time passes, generations replace each other, but most people have not learned how to build long-term, kind, mutually acceptable relationships.
Of course, in one article it is impossible to touch on all the aspects of interest, let's consider the fundamental ones.
Who are our teachers?
Whose experience do we use, what are we guided by when communicating with people, including those of the opposite sex?
- Environment.
- Family.
- Book.
Observing what is happening, we add up a picture of possible options for dealing with loved ones, strangers, ways to solve problems.
It is unlikely that the atmosphere of scandals, fights, drunkenness, debauchery, will instill good manners, a precautionary attitude towards a woman, and other seemingly simple habits that are natural for an adequate society. Because there was no role model.
Impressions drawn from works of art are perceived in such an environment as an illusory reality, a fairy tale, and the surrounding reality as a form of existence.
The influence of experience on the choice of a couple
Having received a certain life experience of communicating with men, a woman transfers it to all representatives of the opposite sex. Liar. Reveler. Despot.
How will your partner take it? Not in the best way, but most likely, they will refuse to enter or develop relationships. Why do they need it?
When choosing a wife, an adequate man will prefer a woman without a negative past, with mental problems, choosing a nice representative of the fair sex.
Individuals with negative experiences, when choosing a couple, most often choose such men / women whom they know and understand, based on their experience.
Conclusion: to get the best relationship with the opposite sex, rethink your life experience.
The main factors contributing to the formation, holding the couple together. Recommendations
Each person is individual
Accept that all people are different, which means that there is no single standard of behavior when building relationships, a special approach is needed, taking into account personalities, regardless of gender. Do not cut one size fits all.
find out what men / women are like, what their attitude towards a partner can be, what they expect in return. Of course, when adding up the idea, you should go beyond your personal experience, which is rather limited.
This process, the way of contact, has an essential significance that can be compared with sex.
Brings together, maintains interest.
Let your partner find pleasure in communicating with you, and not with anyone else.
In the absence of high-quality, tasty communication, expect problems.
partnership
Do you want a strong, solid, long-term relationship?
- Become partners, go through life stages as a team with common goals and agreed ways to achieve them.
- Be mutually interested and helpful, serve as a support to each other.
- It is unacceptable for everyone to live their own lives.
- The commonality of the majority of views and interests will give strength to the union.
Sex
If the relationship is not exclusively friendly, sexual relations are one of the basic needs, which means that their deficiency is unacceptable.
In addition, they should be beautiful, of high quality, interesting to both partners. Targeted books on the subject can help diversify them.
- Consider your partner's wishes as much as possible.
- It is not permissible to blackmail with sex, as well as any blackmail is unacceptable, otherwise you will have to blame yourself.
- You should also not rush to the other extreme, putting sex at the forefront.
Conflicts
You should not scandalize, provoke, look for reasons.
Remember: problems do not lead to scandals, on the contrary, scandals breed problems.
It is impossible to completely avoid conflicts by living through all the stages of a relationship between a man and a woman. Let this peppercorn aggravate a little, give taste, refresh emotions.
Dominance in a couple
The primacy of men should be encouraged and supported in every possible way.
This is not about complete subordination, lack of the right to vote, leveling as a person, but about leadership, maintaining the natural alignment of positions.
A family where the head of the family is a man will be better for a woman than in one where he is a weakling.
Leadership ambitions of a man without that are often suppressed by the upbringing of an imperious mother, the need to obey the boss. Let him be the head of his own family.
By driving him under the heel, you deprive yourself of a man, as such, because over time you will no longer respect him. Then even those promising transplantation of powerful three-dimensional artificial muscles will not be able to help. Maintain the masculine in a man, this will allow you to remain a woman.
Male energy is vertical. He needs to grow up, reach heights, become successful; as intended by nature, to think about how to win a woman, to achieve a goal.
Be "weak", gentle. Cause the need to care, protect you, dedicate the achievements of your beloved.
If a woman chooses a vertical path, defeating men, the result will be devastation, anguish, loneliness.
Feminine energy is horizontal. Recognizing the leadership of a man, she finds peace, balance. Showing weakness, in the end - wins.
care, attention
If one of the parties does not receive it, the relationship is doomed to failure.
Try to be imbued with what, in the opinion of the partner, is worthy of attention.
Or just be wiser: yield, show your interest.
Even if the husband is a boxing fan, and you don’t “digest” scuffles, listen to his comments, share the emotions. Is the wife already, but there are no results, because she successfully eats her homemade pies? Don't criticize. Support. Offer to give up baking together in order to achieve a goal.
Thus, you will stimulate your partner to continue to share his thoughts, desires, interests, feelings with you.
Otherwise, what is underestimated is easy to lose.
Development
One of the development partners should not be depersonalized or limited. Everyone should have the opportunity for personal growth. At the same time, the development of the couple as a whole will take place.
By complementing each other, you can achieve more than alone.
Obtaining moral satisfaction will strengthen the union, raise it to a new level.
Love is the cornerstone
If this feeling is present, then all of the above will be in order.
For a loved one, you can and want to do everything!
If there is no love, any advice may be useless.
At the same time, one-sided love is potentially possible, which can subsequently lead to reciprocity.
As a response to sincere feelings, confirmed by actions, forming a warm, comfortable family microclimate, an atmosphere of devotion, deep gratitude, affection, reciprocal love appear.
But don't demand love for yourself. You won't be forced to be nice. Let the partner determine himself in his feelings.
Trust and Acceptance
Everyone has spiritual wounds acquired in the past. They will inevitably remind you of yourself.
It is important to have confidence that no one will be judged for past mistakes, weaknesses,
expression of any feelings and fantasies
Lack of 100% standards
The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman cannot be reduced to a few specific patterns, rules of alignment.
There are stable, rather strong, productive bonds of people who are completely different in temperament, character, baggage of past experiences.
Therefore, it is impossible to offer universal recommendations, to predict all the subtleties of their relationship under various circumstances.
To expand knowledge about unions of various types and configurations, you can find special literature, including on our website - books on the psychology of relations between a man and a woman. Read, think, draw conclusions.
This video can also serve as a tool for building happy relationships.
As an epilogue
Impeccable relationships can hardly be built a priori.
Remember the above: everyone is different. Each has certain advantages, disadvantages, which will undoubtedly affect the relationship of each particular couple, giving them their own characteristics.
Be different, keep your individuality, at the same time become part of one whole, complementing each other so that your union is strong and comfortable.
Partners must be equal, each creates his own happiness.
Be happy!
